Shandin Hills and Big Birds

Played 2-23-11.

Playing the 17th hole, a 500 yard par 5 with a green the size of your grandmother's living room rug. It's always been a bear of a hole to me because of the slightly uphill third shot to a well protected green. Joey has hit his second shot from the left side fairway bunker and is walking to his next shot when a golf ball comes rolling across the fair way and through his legs. He immediately throws his arms up at the guys on the neighboring 16th tee box who never yelled "fore!". They give him back the same gesture. He's upset. Within 20 seconds Mark hits his 5 wood skyward and right. Yes, right at the guys on the 16 tee! This is totally by accident and you guessed it, he never yells "fore!"! Don and I in the neighboring cart start to laugh and Joey gets upset at Mark because he cannot rightfully chew out the guys playing #16. We laugh some more.

Meanwhile, I have hit a nice 3 wood second shot to about 50 yards from the pin. After pulling my lob wedge and settling the giggles down, I hit a perfect half wedge that checks up in front of the hole and roles in for eagle and helps me shoot a 76! (Not bad considering I was 5 over by the 5th hole.) The only thing that was a better feeling than seeing the ball go in the hole was seeing and hearing the reaction by Elliott and Ralph's group playing behind us after they saw I made eagle. Yes, total disgust and realization that they had each lost a whole dollar. (Eagles are worth 4 dots, each dot worth a quarter.) I received a nice "atta-boy!" from everyone after the round, except for Dave who said "fuck you!". Very funny guy.

The golf course was in thin shape with the fairways very dormant and the rough almost non-existent. Bunkers are still nice and the greens were about as good as I've seen them in a while. The main reason we don't play here very often is because of the noise that surrounds and engulfs the entire course. This is caused by the dissection of the two nines by the 215 freeway and the south-side bordering by the BNSF Railway. Man, those trains are loud! One thing you will always see here though are the hawks that soar over the course with great regularity. Beautiful sight.

Huge kudos to John in the pro shop who gave us a dozen Nike golf balls before the round as thanks for bringing our group to the course. Top-notch class. The balls went to the wining team of George, Tino, Clarence and Dave. (Our team finished last, but only lost $4 apiece because of my heroics on 17 and some very nice greenies by Joey and I.)

Goose Creek and Comments From The Peanut Gallery

Played 2-16-11 in the very occasional drizzle, light wind and sunshine.

This course is as good as it gets in the Inland Empire and better than just about any L.A. area course. $39 for seniors during the week is an absolute steal! Excellent conditions and super friendly service that is unmatched along with a serene location just off of the 15 freeway makes this place a must for all golfers. There really isn't much else to say about Goose Creek other than it's a "can't-miss" facility.

Our group of only 14, (we had several guys wimp out due to the rainy forecast, work obligations and vacations), played in about four hours, but not without its noteworthy quips that were mostly about golf and sex in the Northern African desert and 1960's Asia.

I spat just off the sixteenth green and commented about possibly being fined by the golf course's Men's Club. That's when one of my playing partners, Vito, said, "Tiger wasn't spitting on the green in Dubai, he was just drooling while thinking about eating some Arabian pussy after his round". I said, "mmmm, Arabian pussy", and the rest of the guys in our group agreed with the assessment.

Later after the round Calm Don, (called this because our original Don has a slightly volatile temper when playing golf and this one doesn't), said he had all kinds of Asian pussy when stationed overseas during his late 60's stint in the U.S. Armed Services. He also mentioned that he was very lucky to not get any kind of disease(s) because he never once wore a condom during his, ahem, 'exploits'. Then George immediately quipped, "there might be some Kom Don Wongs over there that you know nothing about". Very funny shit.

Next week we are playing the anti-Goose Creek, or otherwise known as Shandin Hills in San Bernardino where we expect to pay the $20 senior rate and understand exactly why this noisy-but-efficient track sucks us in.

Yucaipa Valley GC

Played there 2-9-11 and the weather was great!

The course was in OK shape with its usual uneven tee boxes, (which are quite bare right now), and very inconsistent fairways that have more than their fair share of bare spots. For some reason this place never tries to fix their fairways and I'm sure this effects most players' attitude(s) about the course. Our group has taken to 'winter rules' for the fairways, -and that is for the entire year!

Rest of the course:

The greens were for the most part fast-but-bumpy, which is a very bad combination. Lots of poa annua has embedded itself into the greens and that doesn't help. I give the greens a 6/10, but only because of the great configurations and undulations which make them more than average tough. The rough is very thin right now due to the cold season, but not too bad. The bunkers are very inconsistent with too many rocks, but somewhat playable.

Pace of play was slow. It took over five hours to play as we waited on every tee box due to a slow-moving Men's Club. A lot of this was probably due to the greens and how they were playing, -especially with some very tough pin placements.

Our group:

We had 18 players and we have now instituted a $8 'buy-in' participation fee to deter big losses at the end of the round. Pretty simple way to figure things out too. ($1 dollar goes to each team for each skin, greenie, birdie and sandy par. If someone is lucky enough to have an eagle, his team gets $4. The rest of the pot is broken down 50/30/20 for 1st, 2nd and 3rd.) We still use best three-out-of-four scores per hole and decide first through last by overall tally. Because we have so many players now on a weekly basis, there were a couple times when the last place team was dishing out $14-$17 apiece, which is a little ridiculous for our meager selves.

Best quote of the day: "And you probably like it up the ass too!", said by Tim after hearing Dave say how much he likes losing as long as he gets to play with a certain guy who likes to drink beer at the same pace he does. (At least we know Joe is loved by someone!)

Ralph, Mark and I tied for first with Elliott, Vito and Jon while George's team trailed the pack and ended up getting $4 back to split among the four of them. No blood, no foul.

All-in-all, Yucaipa has a very nice layout of holes that one can endear as long as you can live with the somewhat sketchy conditions.

Currently at Apple Valley Country Club (A Review)

Since I'm damn near a member here, I will go easy, -and that's easy to do!

As with all High Desert public golf courses in the area, the rough and fairways are thin. The difference here is the consistency and it is quite good. One very seldom ends up with a bad lie and when you do, it's because you've hit it into the dirt beyond the rough, -as it should be.

The tee boxes are all very level and point you in the right direction. Too many newer courses,(intentionally I think), line you up either too far right or left. AVCC tee boxes take you down the edge of the fairway promoting a little working of the ball, but not a miss-aim. Newer courses are more of a challenge to higher handicapped players because of this very reason.

Sand traps have been worked on and are for the most part very good and consistent. There are a few newly filled bunkers though that will leave you a fried egg, but that will work its way out in the next few (windy) months.

Greens here are among the best anywhere, and I mean anywhere. Fast, consistent and holding with the right shot, as it should be for all us rank amateurs. As close to perfect as anyone can get without being on the PGA Tour.

Other than a putting green and small driving range there isn't a proper practice chipping or bunker area, so don't get here too early before your tee time unless you want to eat. The restaurant is quite good and reasonably priced.

Inside the small but efficient pro shop you will find some nice people with the exception of Ric, who just takes some getting used to. Green fees are very reasonable, especially for Apple Valley residents where a round of golf is $25 weekdays and just ten more bucks on the weekend. All green fees include a cart with no discount for walkers which is too bad because this is one of the best walking courses around.

All-in-all, you can't go wrong with this old fashioned, handsome and well taken care of golf course.