Since I've Been Gone...

I know it's been awhile, but it has been a very busy couple of months for me (and my family).

Between planning our annual golf trip to Mesquite, Nv., and having my two kids flying in from Denver for their cousin's wedding, I've had little time to spare for such trivial activities such as blogging.

OK, that's it for excuses. Now, back to the golf stuff.

For the week of June 5th, me and nineteen other golfers made our way to Mesquite for our annual Mesquite Invitational which consists of four rounds of golf in Mesquite and nearby St. George, Ut., and four nights stay at the ever-growing and not-so-extravagant Virgin River Hotel Casino. We love it there!

We played at the Oasis Palmer and Canyons Courses, the Casablanca and the GREAT Sand Hollow Golf Course in Hurricane just outside of St. George. All of the courses were in top-notch shape and had impeccable customer service, as usual. What made the trip even better was the weather. The temperature barely made it over 90 and that wasn't until after our last round of the week.

Even though I didn't win a *Hat, I was lucky enough to be on the 1st place team all four days and reel in a cool $99.50. I had the low gross score all but one day which included an easy 74 at the Casablanca. (Sans four 3-putts and I shoot 70! Do-h!!). The rest of the guys were pretty consistent, with only the hat winners stepping up their own game just enough to claim their major prize. Oh yes, the hat winners were Jon, Bill, Darvin and Bob J. Excellent stuff!

Here's a couple pictures of what you can find if you're lucky enough to get to Mesquite and for those of you that have been there in the past, you know what I mean. That is Clarence and Jon in the last two pics. Sorry, they insisted on having their image slapped in the middle of a beautiful shot.

And here are the guys:

Incredible bunch of human specimens, huh? Hard to believe the women of the Greater Mesquite Area never (dare) bother us. Hmmm...

Anyway, since then we have played at Goose Creek, Empire Lakes, Links at Summerly and Dos Lagos, -which have all been in very good shape. You can't miss with any of these gems.

No more to say since this is a golf blog and those of you out there that may follow me and my buddies' golfing adventures wouldn't care less about our outside-of-golf ventures.

*The Hat Winner is the guy with the lowest net score for that day's course. He gets $20 out of the general pot and he must buy a golf hat from that course, signifying his "Major" win.

Goose Creek (Again) and Fried Fish

Played 3-16-11

Twenty-one of us this week and that makes for some very tough team set-ups. Since GC doesn't allow fivesomes, (a good thing), we went with three foursomes and three threesomes. Two best scores per team. This makes for some serious skin carry-overs, but decent overall scoring. All of the teams were within 14 strokes with a winning team of Aaron, Bob, Tim and Joe, -who actually won by seven strokes and took home $9 apiece. I was on the second place team, (again), with Vito and Dave, and netted a big $5.50. Most of the other teams did OK with the exception of Bert and Bill's team which lost $7.50 each... bummer!

The course was in its usual good-to-great condition. The greens were a little bumpy, but held shots very well, and the rest of the course was in excellent shape. The staff was once again the stars they always are and things stayed right on time.

My group didn't do anything special with no birdies, but we stayed within one shot of par on almost all holes with the exception of 18, where we posted a rather disappointing four-over. 18 does that to you. Aaron had four birdies on the back to bring his total to five for the round which helped him shoot a very nice 74.  If he wasn't so nice, I'd hate his young punk ass. Great shooting none-the-less.

After our round, half of us went to a nearby Mexican restaurant on Limonite Blvd., (in the Stator Bros. Center), that is known for its excellent chile rellenos. However, Vito and Bob, who not coincidentally are of Catholic/Mexican descent, had their special of the month which included a deep-fried tilapia that was quite ugly looking but outstanding in taste. Chips, rice and beans were included with the fish and only cost them $4.99! Such a deal!

Anyway, koodos to the Goose once again and way to stay within your 'Lent' values, Bob and Vito! You both have inspired me to keep praying to my golf gawd every time I pull that five iron out of my bag.

Eagle Glen and the Bedlam

Played 3-9-11

Absolutely retarded. Due to early cancellations by fellow golfers that wanted to help me keep my sanity, we were down to a perfect group of 16 players. This is doubly good for Eagle Glen, since it doesn't allow fivesomes and frowns upon multiple threesomes in one's group. HOWEVER, at 9:07pm the evening before, Tim, who repeatedly told me the prior week and weekend before, text me saying he could now play. I immediately called him and mentioned the present situation, but he laughed and said, "tough shit for them!". He also said that someone would probably drop-out at the last minute so everything would be good. I told him, "no, because the other guys let me know way ahead of time if they can or cannot play and stick to their word, -unlike other guys I know". Anyway, I caved.

Once we arrived and let the starter know what was going on, he gave us the 'oh shit' look, but said we could start a group right now, which was thirty minutes before our first time, and then let the other 2 foursomes that were not in our group go, and then the rest of us could start. That was the only other open tee time available until much later. We took it. I told the starter "sorry for the hassle", but he just ignored me and walked away. EXCELLENT customer service, eh? I bring them 16 - 24 golfers about every six weeks and all I get is "screw you". We'll be going back real soon...

Anyway, the real dagger for all this was I called the golf course early Tuesday morning to cancel one of our five times to help the course out. Silly me.

Other than having to make up new teams and dealing with a less-than-charming starter, the golf went fairly well. Eagle Glen was in OK shape with mostly dormant fairways, dried-out rough, very poor conditioned tee boxes and bunkering that is less than consistent in texture. The greens were near-perfect and the weather was spectacular. Get this course in lush shape and it would be undoubtedly one of the best in SoCal. Yes, the rates are very good during the week for seniors at $35, but hitting out of a dried-out divot in the middle of 18's fairway with a wedge is not a good way to leave an impression on someone (like me). If they don't want to overseed for the winter to save money, so be it, but what a shame. Last impressions are usually the ones that stick.

The exciting news was Bert eagled 16! By far the toughest tee shot on the course with a pretty frightening second into a very undulated and protected green makes this one scary-ass hole. I don't know the specifics of how he did it, but it is a monumental feet considering he is not one of the longest hitters on tour. Excellent stuff!

Bert, Bill, Mark and Jon took first place and netted winnings of $8 apiece. They were delighted and gloated a little more than I liked, but good job just the same. My team played well enough for a stellar second place which handed us an extra four bucks each. Not bad for only three guys named Ralph, Al and T. Third went to Elliott, Calm Don and Dave who took home a whopping 50 cents each.. The remaining two teams complained to Tim, figuring he's the one that screwed up the original foursomes, -which of course, would have done better for sure. (They were kidding, of course... or were they?)

Spring Valley Lake and a Bunch of Hoodlums

Played: 3-2-11

The good people at Spring Valley Lake Country Club in Victorville were nice enough to have us play their very nice private course. SVL was in a little rough shape do to the heavy winter rains, but it is always a fun experience because of the layout and fast/smooth greens. The bunkers are in excellent shape with the exception of the motorized raker which leaves a very pronounce groove, -that I was (un)fortunate enough to find on two occasions. The fairways were a little thin, but quite playable and the tee boxes were very nice. The rough was the only (somewhat) major problem where mud had rolled into some of the low-lying areas, but the staff is doing an excellent job of marking the unplayable areas 'GUR' and getting them back up to par.

We had twenty-two players this week and that's with two late cancellations! Even with that kind of attendance and diversity of players, all of the final team scores were within 12 strokes of each other. We've been closer in the past, but with the two guys dropping out the replacement "phantoms" did more good than the two no-shows would have. (i.e.: Our "C" player, Doug, who called off late, would have shot 92 - 96, but our replacement "C" player, Calm-Don, shot 89, which helped offset our "B" player, Tino, -who shot 95!) Remember, we use the best 3-out-of-4 scores per hole system, and with just the right amount of ham and egging, we were able to shoot a total of 249 which tied for first. With three doubles on my scorecard I was still able to shoot an 81 and our "D", Mark, (who shot 103), had two pars while I was making two of those doubles, and that really helped! We got back $19.50 apiece after our $8 buy-in. Big bucks.

The big news of the week though, was having Not-Calm-Don back and playing. Only 8 weeks after having a triple bypass, 30 pounds lighter and a lot less volatile (for now), he hung in there and complained of nothing after his round. This is truly a 'New Don'. He did say he was still able to display his club-throwing technique to its fullest, which made us all smile.

Other than that, there were no truly memorable shots, stupid/funny remarks or displays of idiotic behavior to reminisce about (or I will admit to). Just a bunch of guys having a good time getting pissed about their dumb-ass shots and losing $2.75.

Shandin Hills and Big Birds

Played 2-23-11.

Playing the 17th hole, a 500 yard par 5 with a green the size of your grandmother's living room rug. It's always been a bear of a hole to me because of the slightly uphill third shot to a well protected green. Joey has hit his second shot from the left side fairway bunker and is walking to his next shot when a golf ball comes rolling across the fair way and through his legs. He immediately throws his arms up at the guys on the neighboring 16th tee box who never yelled "fore!". They give him back the same gesture. He's upset. Within 20 seconds Mark hits his 5 wood skyward and right. Yes, right at the guys on the 16 tee! This is totally by accident and you guessed it, he never yells "fore!"! Don and I in the neighboring cart start to laugh and Joey gets upset at Mark because he cannot rightfully chew out the guys playing #16. We laugh some more.

Meanwhile, I have hit a nice 3 wood second shot to about 50 yards from the pin. After pulling my lob wedge and settling the giggles down, I hit a perfect half wedge that checks up in front of the hole and roles in for eagle and helps me shoot a 76! (Not bad considering I was 5 over by the 5th hole.) The only thing that was a better feeling than seeing the ball go in the hole was seeing and hearing the reaction by Elliott and Ralph's group playing behind us after they saw I made eagle. Yes, total disgust and realization that they had each lost a whole dollar. (Eagles are worth 4 dots, each dot worth a quarter.) I received a nice "atta-boy!" from everyone after the round, except for Dave who said "fuck you!". Very funny guy.

The golf course was in thin shape with the fairways very dormant and the rough almost non-existent. Bunkers are still nice and the greens were about as good as I've seen them in a while. The main reason we don't play here very often is because of the noise that surrounds and engulfs the entire course. This is caused by the dissection of the two nines by the 215 freeway and the south-side bordering by the BNSF Railway. Man, those trains are loud! One thing you will always see here though are the hawks that soar over the course with great regularity. Beautiful sight.

Huge kudos to John in the pro shop who gave us a dozen Nike golf balls before the round as thanks for bringing our group to the course. Top-notch class. The balls went to the wining team of George, Tino, Clarence and Dave. (Our team finished last, but only lost $4 apiece because of my heroics on 17 and some very nice greenies by Joey and I.)

Goose Creek and Comments From The Peanut Gallery

Played 2-16-11 in the very occasional drizzle, light wind and sunshine.

This course is as good as it gets in the Inland Empire and better than just about any L.A. area course. $39 for seniors during the week is an absolute steal! Excellent conditions and super friendly service that is unmatched along with a serene location just off of the 15 freeway makes this place a must for all golfers. There really isn't much else to say about Goose Creek other than it's a "can't-miss" facility.

Our group of only 14, (we had several guys wimp out due to the rainy forecast, work obligations and vacations), played in about four hours, but not without its noteworthy quips that were mostly about golf and sex in the Northern African desert and 1960's Asia.

I spat just off the sixteenth green and commented about possibly being fined by the golf course's Men's Club. That's when one of my playing partners, Vito, said, "Tiger wasn't spitting on the green in Dubai, he was just drooling while thinking about eating some Arabian pussy after his round". I said, "mmmm, Arabian pussy", and the rest of the guys in our group agreed with the assessment.

Later after the round Calm Don, (called this because our original Don has a slightly volatile temper when playing golf and this one doesn't), said he had all kinds of Asian pussy when stationed overseas during his late 60's stint in the U.S. Armed Services. He also mentioned that he was very lucky to not get any kind of disease(s) because he never once wore a condom during his, ahem, 'exploits'. Then George immediately quipped, "there might be some Kom Don Wongs over there that you know nothing about". Very funny shit.

Next week we are playing the anti-Goose Creek, or otherwise known as Shandin Hills in San Bernardino where we expect to pay the $20 senior rate and understand exactly why this noisy-but-efficient track sucks us in.

Yucaipa Valley GC

Played there 2-9-11 and the weather was great!

The course was in OK shape with its usual uneven tee boxes, (which are quite bare right now), and very inconsistent fairways that have more than their fair share of bare spots. For some reason this place never tries to fix their fairways and I'm sure this effects most players' attitude(s) about the course. Our group has taken to 'winter rules' for the fairways, -and that is for the entire year!

Rest of the course:

The greens were for the most part fast-but-bumpy, which is a very bad combination. Lots of poa annua has embedded itself into the greens and that doesn't help. I give the greens a 6/10, but only because of the great configurations and undulations which make them more than average tough. The rough is very thin right now due to the cold season, but not too bad. The bunkers are very inconsistent with too many rocks, but somewhat playable.

Pace of play was slow. It took over five hours to play as we waited on every tee box due to a slow-moving Men's Club. A lot of this was probably due to the greens and how they were playing, -especially with some very tough pin placements.

Our group:

We had 18 players and we have now instituted a $8 'buy-in' participation fee to deter big losses at the end of the round. Pretty simple way to figure things out too. ($1 dollar goes to each team for each skin, greenie, birdie and sandy par. If someone is lucky enough to have an eagle, his team gets $4. The rest of the pot is broken down 50/30/20 for 1st, 2nd and 3rd.) We still use best three-out-of-four scores per hole and decide first through last by overall tally. Because we have so many players now on a weekly basis, there were a couple times when the last place team was dishing out $14-$17 apiece, which is a little ridiculous for our meager selves.

Best quote of the day: "And you probably like it up the ass too!", said by Tim after hearing Dave say how much he likes losing as long as he gets to play with a certain guy who likes to drink beer at the same pace he does. (At least we know Joe is loved by someone!)

Ralph, Mark and I tied for first with Elliott, Vito and Jon while George's team trailed the pack and ended up getting $4 back to split among the four of them. No blood, no foul.

All-in-all, Yucaipa has a very nice layout of holes that one can endear as long as you can live with the somewhat sketchy conditions.

Currently at Apple Valley Country Club (A Review)

Since I'm damn near a member here, I will go easy, -and that's easy to do!

As with all High Desert public golf courses in the area, the rough and fairways are thin. The difference here is the consistency and it is quite good. One very seldom ends up with a bad lie and when you do, it's because you've hit it into the dirt beyond the rough, -as it should be.

The tee boxes are all very level and point you in the right direction. Too many newer courses,(intentionally I think), line you up either too far right or left. AVCC tee boxes take you down the edge of the fairway promoting a little working of the ball, but not a miss-aim. Newer courses are more of a challenge to higher handicapped players because of this very reason.

Sand traps have been worked on and are for the most part very good and consistent. There are a few newly filled bunkers though that will leave you a fried egg, but that will work its way out in the next few (windy) months.

Greens here are among the best anywhere, and I mean anywhere. Fast, consistent and holding with the right shot, as it should be for all us rank amateurs. As close to perfect as anyone can get without being on the PGA Tour.

Other than a putting green and small driving range there isn't a proper practice chipping or bunker area, so don't get here too early before your tee time unless you want to eat. The restaurant is quite good and reasonably priced.

Inside the small but efficient pro shop you will find some nice people with the exception of Ric, who just takes some getting used to. Green fees are very reasonable, especially for Apple Valley residents where a round of golf is $25 weekdays and just ten more bucks on the weekend. All green fees include a cart with no discount for walkers which is too bad because this is one of the best walking courses around.

All-in-all, you can't go wrong with this old fashioned, handsome and well taken care of golf course.